Yo Quierro, Your Under Arrest

So tonight, the night before Christmas Eve, and I was thinking maybe perhaps that the riff-raff may take a holiday hiatus, it was looking good until around 10:30 pm. We get a call from the local Taco Bell for a drunk guy at the drive up window shouting profanities and threatening the staff. We get there just a few minutes after he took off (which brings me to the question, why do victims feel the need to let the badguys know that “were calling the cops right now.” if you want em to go to jail, its much easier for us cops if we don’t have to go looking for them after they run off because YOU TOLD EM WE WERE COMING!!!)

Well we track the nitwit down 30-40 feet from his front door. Drunk as a skunk, seated in his car getting ready to chow down on a chalupa. We approach the car and ask him what all the fuss was about at Taco Bell. First he denies he was ever at the Taco Bell (that is until I point out to him that his chalupa is wrapped in a paper wrapper with TACO BELL written all over it)

This is when he turns belligerant and tells us to just go fuck off. We tell him that we can’t do that and he tells us if we can’t he will just have to make us. He puts down his chalupa gets out of the car and makes a move at the other cop who was with me. Well he got cuffed and tossed sideways into the back of a patrol car faster than you can say guacomole.

The other cop drove him back to get booked while I waited for the tow truck. Just as the towtruck is pulling away the nitwits 80 proof wife walks up and demands to know why I am towing her car. I took such joy in telling her that her asshole husband just got arrested and it is protocol to tow the vehicle for safe keeping. I also took delight in telling her that it will cost $40 for his bail and an additional $120 to get her car back. And I also threw in the friendly advice that if she finds another car not to drive herself to the station lest she be also arrested for DWI


7 thoughts on “Yo Quierro, Your Under Arrest

  1. Once when I worked at a (different) pizza shop, I had a similar situation, except I had been shouting “I’m calling the cops!” without actually calling the cops (dude somehow thought our clearly marked pizza shop was his girlfriend’s place. Then some cops showed up for their pizza and the drunk guy was like, “I didn’t believe you!” and I was like, “I didn’t believe me either!”

  2. Snay- Sometimes things just go right for ya. I hope you played the lotto that night

    Julie- After I finished his chalupa I went back on patrol

  3. these stories make me laugh so hard at the IDIOTS out there who think they can get away with this crap! my dadda (35 yr veteran w/ sheriff’s dept) has told these stories over and over and it just confirms what i’m sure you already know – people are just STUPID!

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