I worked inside for mostof this rotation, so I mostly got splinters in my ass while the other guys had all the fun, but heres my report.

As I told you before we got a bunch of new hotshot rock and roll good time rookies. They have been on over a year now so they are not technically rookies anymore (but until theres a new crop of flat patchers they have that designation) kind of like NASCAR rookies, they may not still be brand new the yellow stripe on the rear bumper may be pulled off and the announcers can call em young guns but they are still the newbies.

Well my favorite rookie was all jeeped up when it was thought that one of the cops working a detail may be having a problem at the club she was working at. He and the Captain got to the door at the same time and he threw the door to the club open with such force (announcing his presence with authority or establishing command presence or whatever he was doing) whichever it was, he jammed the Capt’s. hand. Ohhhhhh we had such fun making him think that the Capt. was pissed at him for it. It was an accident and all that but it is so much fun winding this kid up. He is a great guy for putting up with all of our crap!!!

While I was working the desk, I had a walk in complainant. A 12 -14 year old girl accompanied by her mom reporting that a kid in Maryland had supposedly hacked one of her friends screen names in a MY Space type forum and allegedly convinced her that he (as the friend) had lost her phone number and needed her to tell him what it was again) when he got it he began harrasing phone calls again allegedly telling her that he was going to post naughty pics that she supposedly sent him. She denies ever taking or sending such pictures. And Mom just Knows that sweet daughter would never do such a thing. Mom complained to the chat service and got no response from them. I referred them to the proper detective for their unique problem. (Internet is such a new medium and there is very little that Law Enforcement can do to regulate it, but we have a few tricks and trained detectives do good investigations. After I steered them in the right direction I advised them that for young kids such as her a MySpace type chatroom is not a great idea and that the internet is full of sicko types who thrive on victimizing and or prey on kids her age. And you know what?????

This snotty nosed little brat argued me every point, citing her right to do the things she wants to do “this is America isn’t it? ” she asked at one point. I seriously don’t think I reached either her or her mom about the seriousness of the situation. Some folks you just can’t reach huh?

We had the police scanner surfing grandma call to complain about kids playing stickball in the street in front of her house. And then call back when she didn’t hear her call dispatched. (The responding officer was in the station when the call came in and was dispatched face to face without the need to tie up the airways with unneeded information) Didn’t Surfer Grandma feel dumb when she was complaining to us over the phone as the officer was outside her residence dealing with her complaint .

We had the Mom (an attorney) of an 18 year old who was arrested for trespassing in a cemetary after hours (the daughter was parked in a car in the darkness of the night with her boyfriend) Mom called the station for information on the arrest, then came down to the window to demand information, and then to demand that she be allowed to see her client/ daughter. The only problem for mom was that

  1. Her daughter wasn’t being interrogated, the crime is a “gimme” all the officer needs to show is that the person entered and remained in an area where there is a no trespass sign or someone informed them verbally not to trespass (NOTE) the cemetary has a large no trespass sign posted at all entrances. No questions were asked of her daughter, no white hot lights or rubber hoses were utilized to extract a confession, all the elements of the crime were there so we did not need to interrogate anyone to prove the case so there was no need for a lawyer.
  2. The daughter is 18 years old, an adult in the eyes of the law and thus considered to be competent in the eyes of the law and even though she was told her mom was upstairs posting bail, never requested a lawyer or legal counsel.

We had the drunk that staggered out of the snow and all the way up the flight of stairs only to lose his balance and fall all the way back down and in the process break his neck.

Finally, The last notable call was the woman who called 911 hysterically crying and extremely upset, there was a bit of a language barrier but I was able to get enough info to surmise that she was reporting some kind of domestic assault. An officer and an ambulance was dispatched to her location. Investigation conducted, victim sent to the hospital for treatment and the boyfriend was arrested for domestic a&b.

Get this—-

The boyfriend aknowledged that he struck the girlfriend over the head with a beer bottle but wanted to report and let us know that he “had a good reason”

That night He, girlfriend and his cousins were all partying and drinking at their house, he retired to bed early and was startled awake by the shaking of the bed he was sleeping on. When he fully awoke he observed his girlfriend being”eaten out” by his cousin. He lost it and took it out on the girlfriend, cracking her one and then throwing her out of the apartment.

These stories are pure chicken soup for the dysfunctional soul…….



  1. DRC, I like to think of people like that as “job security”

    Mal Snay, Jeeped= Full of piss n vinigar and ready to take on all comers

  2. I’ve heard of sneaking the vibrator when your S.O. is asleep next to ya, but damn! LOL…that is hilarious..well, except for the crack on the head.

  3. Goddess and Brandon, the answer to both comments is the couple in question is capitol D put the “fun” in DYSFUNCTIONAL

  4. AH, never a boring night. I remember driving through a rather posh neighborhood and seeing a teenage boy climbing out a window of a house at about 3:30 am. He managed to elude me, but I went back to the house to learn from the parents that the window in question was their daughter’s room. They refused to believe that she had allowed someone in, and then out. I thought it was a burglary, but it was just teen lust. Stupid parents.

  5. Brent,
    They never ever believe Junior or Missy could be so depraved. Oh sometimes I wish I could be that naive with all aspects of life LOL

  6. Nice…

    It’s been so dead here lately that I probably would have responded to that eat ’em and beat ’em call.

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