WHO UNCORKED THE CRAZY BOTTLE?????

Just a few musings about last nights shift.

  • We had a dispatcher who gave out all pertinant info to the first call of the night, except of course the ADDRESS of the call. He got better as the night wore on
  • We had a guy come in who’s wife had a restraining order out on some other guy, the order was from a different town, the guy she had a restraining order out on in turn got a restraining order taken out onher husband (the guy who is standing in front of me at the Police Station), the (guy who got the R/O on the husband) got all liquored up and called the husband (who he is supposedly so in fear of that he needs an R/O) and called him every bad name in the book. The husband (who appeared to be slightly inebriated himself and doesn’t have an R/O out on anyone) comes in to OUR department , not once, not twice, but three times (not the department that issued the R/O) demanding that we lock the guy up for talking to him so badly
  • We had a guy come in to report that a guy at a party that he was attending stole his car keys and took off in his car, he and his friends went by the guys house and his mothers house but couldn’t locate the car, I was going to investigate, take his complaint and arrest the guy for him, but when I asked him who the guy was he said he didn’t know, I said well, he was at the party and you knew how to find his AND his moms house, someone must know who the guy is. At this point he got belligerant, telling me I was a slacker, that he was going to report me to the chief and his city counsellor and anyone else who’d listen I guess. That he DEMANDS I take his report. When I told him that I wanted him to produce the friend who took him to the suspects house he got pissed and stormed off without finishing the report, Being the nice guy that I am covering my ass, I put the car out as tenatively stolen and to stop the vehicle if spotted and we’d get to the bottom of it when that time comes
  • We had a lady come in to bail her son out (easy enough), I checked the arrest log and found out that we had not arrested anyone by that name and I told her so. She tells me that she knows WE didn’t arrest her son, that the next town over arrested him but she didn’t have a ride there and thought she could bail him out from the nearest Police Department
  • and finally we had a woman come in to find out what she needed to do in order to buy some “mace” well, we haven’t had mace for several years now, it is O/C (olleseron capsimum) “pepper” spray , I decide to have some fun while being informative, I tell her that because of the liberals we cannot use “mace” anymore because it is made from a chemical compound and not “environmentally friendly” so we are forced to switch to the more natural and organic pepper spray and while not as effective in stopping attacks it doesn’t deplete the Ozone layer. I then let her know about the differing kinds of O/C spray which are: Foam and gel, Fogger, and Stream. I give her the pros and cons on all the different types (my personal favorite is the stream, you have to be more accurate but it works the best for what I need it for, I instruct her that stream does not “cross contaminate” which means only the guy getting sprayed will feel the effects where as with the fogger everyone around gets some “cross contamination” she then asks,:“Well if I get the fogger should I have someone spray me to see if I can handle it????????” I respond: No comment lady
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14 thoughts on “WHO UNCORKED THE CRAZY BOTTLE?????

  1. Ok, the dude in the second incident? The PD should have taken out a restraining order on him the third time he came in….LOL!

  2. Oh that last one deserves a big fog in the face!!! You should have whipped out your pepper jack and let her “handle” it awhile. hee hee

  3. Another fun night of law enforcement hilarity!

    The son in jail, for some reason, reminded me of another story. I get a police report, an assault, that I follow-up. The woman says the guy, “Joe Tinkerton”, is in our jail right now for assaulting his girlfriend after he had assaulted her. So I check the computer and sure enough we have Joe in custody. Pictures had already been taken of the woman’s injuries and there is a witness, whom I interview. When I get ready to add the charge to this suspect, I find out he has seen the judge and bonded out. So I issue an arrest warrant for him. He’s arrested, but sues me and the city for false arrest, saying he didn’t do it. He doesn’t fit the description of the suspect at all. I go back and check the jail book. Bingo! OOPS! There are two “Joe Tinkerton” in jail that night for domestic assault. WHAT ARE THE ODDS??? He lost his lawsuit, btw.

  4. You must be a very patient man. I think I would want to smack them all upside the head.
    Thank goodness you have a sense of humor.

  5. There are days I leave my job and wonder if there are any sane people out there. I can see you had one of those days.

    I have worked a 12 hour day shift and did not speak to one sober person, other then the people I was working with. Did I mention it was a DAY shift.

    Have a good week.

  6. Goddess- The thought did cross my mind

    Flat-If I didn’t think it would have affected my job negatively I would have offered to do it for her

    Brent- That is bizarre, however I had similar on that car in the river call. Right after we determined that there was no occupants in the car and the car appeared to be stolen and dumped. We got a call from a woman with the same name (differ dob & city) reporting her 16 year old son didn’t come home on time. Glad you got through the sue’d process unscathed bro.

    TME- The want is there, but I’m the big bald cop with a goatee. And I find that gallows humor helps with the whole patience thing. Along with a touch of bitching when the call is over.

    Leigh- Day drunks aren’t they great? I go in at 5pm just when the day drunks are either drunk enough to do stupid stuff or pass out in the street. Yes it was sooooo deffinately one of those nights.

  7. I would have told her that I highly recommend getting sprayed to see if she can handle it. I have a can of a pepper spray that I’ve been dying to use on someone for YEARS…LOL!

  8. WebMiz- Ok you can do the honors with the pepper spray but she may want you to clap for her in a week or so afterwards. And yes you shoulda slowdanced LOL

  9. Thanks! I am more center-left than straight out liberal…But, watch out at times I am quite liberal!!!

    I have been a Red Sox fan all of my life!! My brother has the Impossible Dream album!

  10. Sally, I would consider myself moderate (as opposed to neo-con) Both sides have deffinately pulled some boneheaded moves. I’m more conservative on law enforcement issues. But a good idea is a good idea no matter which side of the aisle it comes from.

    I have an autographed personally delivered major leauge baseball from Yaz. I got it when I was a kid back in ’81 it’s my prized possession as far as sports goes

  11. WHOA! I am jealous! My brother’s “Impossible Dream” album was hidden from me when growing up for fear I would ruin it!! HeeHee!! I met Rico Petrocelli and he gave me tickets to the game…a signed ball from Yaz beats that!

    I agree the both The Left and The Right have made their share of bone-headed moves…no one is without fault.

  12. Sally- Both me and my cousin each got to meet him, talk to him and get autographed baseballs. I kept mine safe and sound in a case and he promptly went out and used his. All he has now are memories and I still got the ball. I win LOL

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