- The running speed of a German Shepherd is at least twice that of the
average out of shape tweaker. If you are going to attempt to outrun one,
please calculate the “Rate x Time = Distance” formula ahead of time if you
want to avoid getting bit.
- If they say they “just met” another person, then they are close friends
who just committed a crime and don’t want to be implicated with
- Anyone who goes out of their way to acknowledge you is hiding something.
Anyone who goes out of their way to ignore you is hiding something.
- If you get called to a 911 hangup and a guy answers the door with a 9
month old child in his arms and says “Oh, the baby must have accidentally
dialed it”, he means he was just involved in a domestic that he doesn’t
want you to know about. Sometimes the same guy has a $25k felony warrant as well.
- If you borrowed a BMW from a friend it’s not unreasonable to expect you
to know your friends last name.
- If you rob a gas station you’re only going to get $20, but I get to see
a large K-9 dog use your arm as a chew toy. For all I care you can keep
- If I can see a 12 year old in your house finishing a beer bong I don’t
need a warrant.
- If they tell you they borrowed the jacket from a friend, just before you
search it, they’ve got something, and it’s still gonna be their jacket.
- We get coffee breaks too, and sometimes we run into stores and do some shopping during them.
- Any person who absolutely cannot sit still or hold a relevant
conversation to pertaining subject, and does not mention desperate need of the lavatory, is either: 1) illegally transporting something 2) under the
influence or 3) possessing some felony warrant out for them.
- If I ask you the day or month you were born and you have to think about it I don’t believe your answer.
- If the company you entertain includes crack, meth, and/or heroin users I
may act like a professional when you call me for the burglary report but
I’m secretly laughing my ass off at the poetic justice of the situation.
- Speaking to me and starting your phrase with, “Screw you, you can’t
do…” will quickly make you the victim of your own ignorance.
- EVERYONE lies. The bad guys lie to try to get out of trouble, the
victims lie to make their plight sound worse and/or to make the bad guy
look worse. The truth is usually somewhere in between.
- Nobody in the history of the world has ever had “just a couple of beers”
and then ended up in contact with law enforcement under circumstances
where the amount of alcohol they have consumed is a factor.
- I know ALL my cousin’s last names. Especially the ones that I know well
enough to borrow their car. So should you. Unless they aren’t really your
- “I get a check” is not the answer that tells me you are a solid citizen
when I ask you where you work.
- No bathroom, ANYWHERE, in any house, is large enough to fit everyone who was in the house when the shooting happened. If you tell me you were peeing outside when I point that out, you better be able to show me a wet spot.
- If you look right then left more than once while talking to my face, you
are about to wear handcuffs or sit in the back seat of my unit, I do not
like foot pursuits.
- If I ask you “is there anything in the car that’s illegal” and you say
“not that I know of” or “there shouldn’t be”…..I get very excited..it’s
like Christmas morning.