Ok boys and girls, todays post is a lesson on how even the rottenest days can brighten suddenly and humor can make the difference.
I showed up 2 minutes late for roll call tonight, unfortunately for me it was the night the Leutennant was making a speech on the importance of punctuality. This infraction bought me a seat inside at the front desk. At first I was a bit grumpy but begrudgingly I do see his point and that it was a good motivator for the younger cops to see a veteran get a pee-pee slap for fucking up. So that they know that nobodys above the rules.
That being said, my sour mood at first was enhanced when 2 shall we say nefarious looking women kept pestering me at the window at 7pm to find out who the detective was that towed their car at 2pm. Shift changes at 5pm and I did my best to assist them but I could not find paperwork or the detectives in question. I gave them the directions to impound and the phone number for detectives, however they could not get it through their thick skulls of mush that there was no more that I could possibly do to assist them.
I finally rid myself of them when a lady comes to the window and just about throws a cat inside the window at me because she saw him wandering around the streets and didn’t know what to do with him. I calmly told her that due to the fact that the tabby had not committed a heinous crime that we could not accomedate him and I gave her the directions to the nearest animal shelter.
No sooner did she leave, a woman carrying a medium sized box shows up, she found a nestling of baby chicks along the riverbank and wanted to turn them into us. Turn them into us? lost and found only takes inanimate objects and I only have 2 sets of handcuffs and neither is small enough to fit their cute lil webbed hands. She was also pointed in the direction of the nearest animal shelter.
I’m at this point figguring I am the target of some elaborate hoax and am waiting for someone to next arrive with a herd of cows or something. Mind you, I patrol in a city, animal calls are very rare around here, unless it is a pitbull attack or something.
I am now at the end of my rope hanging on by a thread. We get dinner break and one of the cops goes out to get us some ice cream treats for dessert.
Well, we pass em out and theres one extra, the first cop gives the extra to one of the newer guys. As the newer guy is taking his last scrumptious bite, the captain bursts into the room and chews the new guys ass for swiping HIS dilly bar. (Mind you this is all an elaborate hoax on the new guy) The new guy is speechless and offers to go get him a brand new one. The Captain tells him that would be a nice gesture. As the new guy is walking out the door we call Dairy Queen from the station, let them know a policeman is coming down to buy a dilly bar and beg them to tell him that they are all sold out. They comply and a ton of laughs were had at the new guys expense.
Needless to say my mood improved from the beginning of the shift, and I actually had some fun.
The lengths we cops go to pull off a good practical joke can be mind boggling at times.