It all started last night, 7 hours and 39 minutes into the last night of the rotation. I stayed zenlike through rookie dispatching, demanding victims, karmically challenged officials, and the like. I was undone by a drunk asshole who was repeatedly stealing cases of beer from a local resturaunt, and the seargent’s spy.

This drunk guy would sneak in, go out back and walk off with a case of beer.He had done it a few times through the week. The owners set up a video camera and waited. Sure enough he struck last night. Now mind you I was still zenlike but I put on an unzenlike show. The guy was caught on tape trying to sneak in the back door of the resturaunt, he was still out back when we showed up, and he ran like a rabbit until he was caught. But he adamantly kept to his story that he was out back taking a piss and got scared when we showed up. So in order to obtain his confession I played “bad cop” reading him his rights, then berating him, telling him he was caught on tape and then asking him if he wanted to change his story.

He didn’t so I calmly advised him that seeing as he confessed to pissing in public I was going to charge him with lewd and lacivious conduct and when he was convicted he would be put on the sex offender registry and sex offenders don’t fare well in lockup. When I was finished, the Sarge who bet me that I couldn’t remain zenlike called me on the nextel and asked if I had anything to tell him, he had a spy tell him that I was un-zenlike. I still contend that it was an act, a ruse if you will. But I’m thinking the bet will end up as a wash.

But that wasn’t anywheres near when I went unzenlike. I have been working around the house and Enforcerwife got Enforcermom’s fixit guy to help me out. We’ll call him Sneider (like the guy from the tv show one day at a time) Sneider is a great guy but he is the type of guy who will get 3/4 through instructions and stop, you end up having that akward silence and try to finish his train of thought and you are always wrong, even if you are right he finds another way to say it.And you feel like an idiot. That plus he has the uncanny ability to “accidentally” put you down or give backhanded compliments while talking to you. That compiled with the fact that I’m paying him decent cash to do a job and having to be his lackey is rough on ones Karma. Eight hours of interaction with him and I snapped.

It was fun while it lasted……


6 thoughts on “ZENLIKE BE DAMNED

  1. You were still zenlike, but you put on an unzenlike show? Yeah, that’s called, NOT BEING ZENLIKE!! Ya can’t have it both ways.

    My husband gets pissed at me when I read stuff like this. For instance, he kept walking around saying, bad shit was “happening” to us over and over and I blasted him, and told him he was bringing it by saying it over and over, thus giving it energy and creating more of it. Then I got pissed about something that happened at work and–you guessed it–he whammied me with “stop talking about it, you’re bringing it on yourself”. Mutter, mutter, MUTTER!!

  2. It could have been worse…you could have been out $100 instead of $10. See, something to be all zen about afterall – although I have NO clue who someone can be that calm ALL the time. I’m too high strung for that!

  3. Goddess- Sure I can have it both ways, its my Zen……
    Nah nah na nahh nahhhh ;P

    Snap- I almost made it LOL

    Julie- You aint just whistling dixie, pixie

    Katie- Its not humanly possible LOL

  4. I’ve been following your zen-wannabe journey. Of course I knew you’d crash…but man it was hilarious while it lasted. You’ve made me laugh out loud, which is always good medicine. Thanks for the ride!

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