I had the unique opportunity to get a call for service at the local really classy upscale resturaunt. It was freezing cold outside and of course the woman would be waiting for us in the parking lot.

Dispatcher reports that there was an elderly woman on scene screaming at another elderly woman “to stop stalking her”

Me and the sagreant roll into the parking lot and are immediately flagged down by a well dressed and manicured (re: rich) 69 year old lady flailing her arms wildly for us.

We check the scene for other combatants and find none on scene. They had already left.

We stop and get her story, it seems that she went out on a date with her beloved who is 70 years old and subsequently also dating the other woman involved. She claims that she and studmuffin were enjoying a nice romantic Itallian dinner when in pops that “old bitch” telling her she has no right being with studly do-right.

At this point the seargent graciously offers to go inside the resturaunt and interview them for me. I get stuck freezing my tookas off listening to a crazy lady tell me the intimate details about a geriatric love triangle in the freezing cold. When the sgt. advised me of his offer the woman stated sheepishly “well I’m sure that they are going to tell you when you get in there, so I’ll tell you now, That woman got me so mad when she ruined my date that I threw my drink at her”

Now I don’t think I have to tell y’all that technically aside from the victim assaulting “the old bitch” with her drinky-poo there was no crime commited. But me being me decided to interject my opinion that her boyfriend seems to be playing both ladies and that she should not subject herself to being objectified by this man. (Hey I figgure if I aint getting any why should he be getting any right?)

She tells me that she thinks the old battle axe must have something on the boyfriend perhaps some incriminating photos or such, and he seems to be afraid to tell the other bitch to kiss off but she knows he loves her and (say it with me) he’s her soulmate.

OK about the time I’m about to throw up inside my mouth thinking about this rest home aged minage a trois and incriminating photos of a 70 year old, the seargent returns (I swear he spent enough time in the resturaunt to have ordered and eaten a nice calamari appetizer) He tells her that unfortunately there was no crime committed against her but that she can attempt to seek a restraining order at the courthouse.

As wee were driving away he shot me a big toothy “gotcha” smile. I would have cussed him out (and may have done just that with my teeth chattering due to the cold in a morse code-like fashion) but my lips were frozen and I couldn’t form any words.

And how was your night?



  1. Oh what a torrid night! If men just take care of themselves, they can have more old chicks than they can handle after 68. AARP should change it’s name to RAWR!

    She must have incriminating photos, ha! I wish I could have seen your face.

  2. LOL SM- Thanks for coming by and Glad to be of service LOL. Yeah, I know what you mean, the visual was searing itself into my brain when it was happening.

  3. Is it a little sad that people 3x my age are getting more action the me? Okay, not really, I’m just exaggerating. XD

    I used to work in a nursing home too…and now I have images burned into the back of my mind. Thanks.

  4. Rather pathetic when you compare my stay at home with a movie alone night with the goings on of the geriatric crowd.

    Yeesh, I need to get out more.

  5. Hey sounds like you had a exciting nite with the geritol group!!! I believe it or not have had calls like that in the past.

    BTW, thanks for being the first to welcome me to the blogworld! This will take some time to get used to, but I think I am getting the hang of it. Be safe !

  6. Christine- I know what you mean, thinking back on it, I cant believe I actually cock blocked a 70 year old.

    Kojack- Those are the calls that build character, and/or send us into therapy.

    Goddess- So I’m thinking either Popeyes or a trip to the Waffle House and then 10 minutes in heaven (when we get our AARP cards)

    Dixie- With people like that I will NEVER run out of blog material

  7. You seriously have some great stories to tell. I’m sorry to say that I was cracking up reading this one — even at your expense :(. Sorry ’bout that.

    Still… funny stuff. I think you should consider writing a memoir book and compiling all these things for the amusement and edification of the people!

    (In other words, you’re a great writer with some great stories to tell. And my mom says it’s better than the reality tv show “Cops.” Which is a HUGE compliment coming from her. I come by my fetish for the men in uniform honestly, mmk? :))

    Sorry I haven’t been around and commenting much lately. Life’s kind of crazy… to say the least.

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