I got a call last night for a disturbance at 42 Suchnsuch Rd.

Dispatch reports a guy yelling and trying to kick a door in. On my way over with the lights and sirens going I’m gloving up and figuring that it’s gonna be a domestic in progress with an irate male subject and it’s probably going to be go-time.

Upon arrival it is NOT what I expect, as I roll up before me sits a calm clearly intoxicated guy. I ask him whats going on tonight, he stands up and I can see that he has done pee-pee in his pants. He tells me he went out with the boys for a few pops and now that he’s home he thinks his wife must be really pissed (yes pun intended) at him because she wont let him in the house. I look up and the house is in darkness and theres no cars around. Hmmmmmmm, kinda wierd, but I’m thinking it may not have been the first time he’s done this and she left for the night. It’s plausable

I tell him, I think she probably went out for the night and see if I can pawn him off on one of his buddies for the night. As Im talking to him a car pulls up and a family gets out. I ask if the guy lives in one of the apartmnets. They don’t know him. Again hmm…..

I (being the good cop that I) am ask him which one of the houses behind us that he lives in? He tells me but hes so intoxicated that it’s inaudible. I check his wallet and find his license and he actually lived at 69 Suchnsuch St. about a half mile up the street, that house is a different color, one is a colonial and the other is a duplex and number 69 had a wife who was awaiting his return. We deposited him where he was supposed to be and went on our merry way.

He tried to thank me and shake my hand, but I thought better of it with the pee-pee and all. 



  1. I don’t know how you do it. We get them on the phone alot. You poor folks have to do the up close and personal. Ugh. God love ya!

  2. What a kind patriot you are, delivering him to his proper home instead of taking him in for public intox.

    I’m lovin’ the new Patriot Enforcer! Great job! It actually managed to put a smile on my face…which is no easy feat at this ungodly hour of the morning.

  3. I can’t tell you how many times we get calls from people that someone is breaking in the house, only to have it be some drunk who is at the wrong place. Once a guy actually went inside and helped himself to some food in the fridge!

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