The other night I worked the booking room (Beastmaster duty)

Basically, I get to sit around, intake the new prisoners, check on the ones in the cells and make sure everything is copasetic.

It was a quiet night until the last hour. On the last hour, everyone ended up making arrests, so there was a flurry of work for me to do. I got through most of it easy enough, but the last one was a drunk young man who really couldn’t handle his alcohol. He was belligerent as all hell, telling us he was gonna carve up and smoke all us cops like so much bacon (boy if I had a nickel for every pig comment I could be sitting on a beach in Cancun with a fancy rum drinks that has one of those umbrella stirrers)

The guy kept on his tirade for awhile, would take a break and start up all over again. What kept setting him off was bail. He would ask what his bail would be, we would answer him, he would get calm and then think he had an outstanding warrant (which to my knowledge he did not) and he would re-escalate his bad behavior, because he didn’t think he was getting out so he would raise hell and make our night as miserable as his.

At one point he told us how he was college educated and we probably were not. He then asked how much money he had on him, we told him he had $90 dollars, he then asked what his bail was and we told him $40, (he wasn’t following the conversation well) and told us we just said his bail was $90. So I talked really slow and broke it down for him as if he was a 5th grader. “Son, you have $90 dollars, your bail is $40 dollars, anything left over you get to keep”

To which he replied “well how much is that?”

I told him you figure it out college boy.


But my night didn’t end there, I worked the detail at the local 24 hour restaurant. It was busy all night long, there was no real problems but I had to keep on my toes the whole shift.

By the end of the shift I was tired, the kind of tired where you think your eyes are playing tricks on you. I finished my shift, said bye to the workers and headed for the door.

As I got to the door, there were still people coming in to eat. A lot of them being intoxicated people coming from the clubs, who weren’t ready to go home just yet.

I held the door for the group coming in, as they walked in I had to rub my eyes,

did I just see a large guy dressed in drag? wearing a dog collar? attached to a leash? the handle of the leash being held by another guy? coming in for an early morning breakfast?

Yup, I did. And I got in my truck and drove home.

My night was officially over.



  1. Hey, I thought we were the only place that had those types. I ride in area that has 3 bars that are specificaly for those folks, wow what sites we see.

    Don’t you just love those power drunks at 2 and 3am. I have no patience with drunks, I’m really glad that we have our corrections division that handles all that. Oh well Be Safe Bro.

  2. Beastmaster Duty? That one made me laugh alot! Here, certain towns close up from 12am-3am so all the drunks have nowhere to go but home. (If they make it w/o flipping the SUV on the exit ramp or driving the car into a tree or ditch). When they do get home they’re hungry because all the take out/breakfast joints are closed. #1 cause of the 2am structure fire = hungry drunk passes out before food is done cooking on the stove. I just got done with two double shifts back to back…working a regular shift tonight…I know EXACTLY what you mean when you think the old eyeballs are playing tricks on you… I actually thought I passed myself on the way into work as I went home this afternoon! JK!

  3. Man, I know exactly what you are talking about. I quit going to the diners after the shift just because the wannabes smelled so bad and looked equally as hideous. Gotta love those college boys..haha

  4. I wish you could have an EnforcerCam. As a consolation prize I want to schedule a ridealong with you on a full moon night. Do you have a school project Citizen Cop program?

  5. Hi, enforcer, s’been a while but i just have to put in my 2 cents re: the drunk guy. Drunk kids are funny, but you know, someone in a party (probably drunk too) once told me that when a really drunk person mentions numbers you probably should take note of those… maybe the dead brain cells that alcohol killed have turned into psychic power and the numbers are actually relevant dates of some sort. 😀

    I didnt believe it, but the notion’s funny. Take care!!!

  6. Cell block duty sucks, but the idiots inside make for an entertaining night. And, really, isn’t it just a treat to frak with the drunks’ minds?

  7. You know when I first saw your blog, I wondered how interesting a blog written by a cop would be. But after reading, I would have to say “very.”

    Being college educated ain’t nuthin’. Half of them ain’t all that bright. Speaking from experience.

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