Riding the Bull (Taser Training Video)

This one’s an oldie but goodie. We were issued tasers and back in 2009 we had the “opportunity” to test off on them for our certification. Below is mine. Enjoy!!!!



One thought on “Riding the Bull (Taser Training Video)

  1. Don’t Taze Me, Bro!
    Glancing at one of the muted televisions in the bar, a middle aged man drinking from a can of beer blurts out, “All these Secret Service firings for $47…They’re so stupid they deserve it!” The statement has me temporarily speechless as it transports me to the last time I made the acquaintance of a group of Federal Agents on a night out. It was during last year’s United Nations General Assembly in New York. Not only did I have to contend with Secret Service agents, but also a bevy of amateur drunk agents from all over the country talking shop.
    I hate talking shop, especially with overzealous and way-too-serious cop types. (You know the types…shaved heads, logo T-shirts, cop medallion jewelry; guys who can’t wait to tell everyone they’re carrying a firearm, and too cheap to buy a round for others.) It’s one of the reasons I never mention I’m a Police Officer or engage in any superfluous police talk while off duty. Worse than talking shop among law enforcement professionals, is enduring the dick-waving antics of officers from other agencies. It’s why I socialize with very few cops. While off duty, I look to escape cop culture and talk to others about different things in life that matter. So being praised by a bunch of drunken small town Federal Officers pretending to make it in the big city was getting old.
    While the gratitude of others is always appreciated, most compliments stem from those who watch too much television. If others think we are the World’s best police force then so-be-it. Policing in the best city on the planet IS a great job, but let’s keep the lofty praise in perspective. Need I tell others we are the last to receive equipment or technology? That we regularly trample through crime scenes and compromise evidence collection? That the most international city on the planet has no training on spotting counterfeit ID from as nearby as New Jersey? The list goes on and on… It used to bother me, but I no longer care. I’m just glad I have a college background in Criminal Justice, as did my Federal counterparts that night in midtown. So why did they feel obligated to discuss the merits of being tasered during their academy training?
    “Listen” I said, “ Don’t believe that nonsense they teach you about feeling pain to know exactly how it feels to be tasered, and the same goes for being pepper sprayed.”
    “It really is the best way to learn,” said one supervisory jar head in a suit.
    Whatever. No wonder these guys haggle over a $47 escort. Working on patrol for fifteen years, and two years as a Welfare Fraud Investigator before that, I have been spit at, puked on, pushed, punched, kicked in the groin, pepper sprayed by my colleagues, and accidently struck by them in our own police vehicles. I have had cases of soda thrown at me from rooftops, as well as the kitchen sink (literally), flaming mattresses, and bricks. Interestingly, I’ve never felt bothered about my lack of training for these events (though I was advised early on to always look up when entering an apartment building.) In fact, I don’t need to go through any of it to know it sucks. That’s what wisdom is. I don’t need to make mistakes to learn from them. In fact, I can learn just fine from the mistakes of others. It’s why I’m still single.
    To be fair, I’m not sure if the group I was speaking to was Secret Service, Homeland Security, or some private Blackwater type of mercenary group, but it doesn’t really matter.
    I glanced up at the neighboring muted television only to see the next monitor had a comedy group holding hands in a chain to be tasered for laughs. They were trying to see how far in the human chain the shock would disable.
    Yesterday I went to the dentist for a check up. “Let’s keep an eye on that wisdom tooth” he said. “In the past I would have suggested we remove it quickly, but I’m getting more conservative as I get older” he jokingly said as his hook shaped vacuum sucked at my tonsils. “Now that I’ve felt the discomfort of having my own wisdom tooth removed, I’m more hesitant to do it to others.”
    Forced to be speechless by my circumstance, I wondered how much more than $47 dollars he gets paid to perform the act.

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