SARCASM: It will bite you in the ass!!!!!

Ok so a little back story.

We have a rookie cop working days who is a real go-getter. Some say he’s bucking for detectives, some say he really still thinks he can save everyone.

Me I honestly believe he just hasn’t had the “Ohh Shit” call, the call every wretched grizzled veteran has had.The call where you realize at some point (either during it, or more commonly sometime afterwards) that fate has stepped in, that you, your partner, an innocent bystander, the bad guy or all of the above in all honesty probably shouldn’t be doing the whole “alive” thing. But for some reason (Grace of God, Fickle Hand of Fate) everyone made it out alright.

That type of call changes everyone that has experienced it, some fold, some rise to the top, some embrace religion, some become jaded and cynical and most will do some combination of the above. When he responds to his Ohhh shit call we will find out if I was right.

Ok so that’s the back story. On to the feature…

Today at roll call, the official went through his notes, passed on the information we needed to know and gave us our assignments. On the way out, he handed us a printed BOLO (be on the lookout) poster. It was a female subject with warrants that was seen in the downtown area just prior to our shift, the main descriptor that stood out was that she was wearing a bright yellow tanktop. As I was leaving I took 2 and made a big production of giving it to the rookie, busting his chops and letting him know I didn’t think he could find her during the time allotted in the shift. (I totally knew if anyone could it would be this kid. He’s tenacious as all hell)

The one tidbit of info on this subject that they didn’t pass on was that she has had cardiac issues. So as soon as this kid located arrested and booked her, sure as shit she started complaining of shortness of breath (To a seasoned criminal a hospital bed is much more preferable than a jail cell cot.

Soooooo, long story short, the court wouldn’t take her until she was medically cleared so rookie boy got sent up to the hospital to babysit her which meant I had to cover my duties and now his sector (due to manpower and budget constraint issues) But to add insult to injury, I got sent up to the hospital to relieve rookie boy for his lunch hour, and for the entire hour the chick complained, abot me, the nurses, the hospital, her level of care etc, ad infinitum. I burned rubber out of the parking lot to get away from her when rookie returned from his lunch. My innocent sarcastic hazing of the rookie ended up making tons of extra work for me today.

So boys and girls, the morale of the story is: Keep your stinking pie hole shut during roll call and your day will run much smoother than if you decide to razz the rookie.

File Under: Won’t do that again!!!!!!

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